I read once a lovely romantic book, which was filled with adventures and mainly a love story obviously. After the two main characters finally reached a happy end the writer finished it with some sentences of describing how their current life was going on; “She eventually had to learn that he always got what he wanted and was very demanding about it. They went out frequently for walks”
Wait! What?? What happened there? Was I not reading a romantic story? The whole book was written in a light way and suddenly one sentence made me re-think the whole story. What does that sentence mean? Was he not happy when he did not get his tea on time and started shouting? Or was he not treating her well? What was the point of writing this sentence and not giving even an explanation of what it means?
I read another book, which was from Nora Roberts, one of my favourite writers. It was a very romantic book as well. So, the two main characters were in love but he did not want to share his own place with her and they eventually argued because she had borrowed his second key from someone else, whilst she prepared a surprise lunch/ dinner for him. They break up and soon afterwards he proposes to her and everybody is happy again.
Ok…So what happened? Did he recognize that he is fine with sharing his place with someone else? How was this problem solved? If I don’t like sharing food, this will not magically disappear and make me want to share my food.
I attempted to even watch Twilight. I tried it three times. I didn’t want to be one of the people, who dislike something without even having tried it. Try it and then say your opinion rather than dismissing it instantly. First time I watched it I was quite happy because I thought finally a movie where a disabled person has the main role (Kristen Stewart). Then I was told that it was her character in the movie…Anyways, the third time around, I watched one of the Twilight movies. It was the part where her Vampire Boyfriend had left her and she was totally heartbroken and did not leave the apartment, didn’t go to school and was having nightmares whilst the seasons were changing.
What kind of message does that communicate? If somebody hurts your feelings you completely let go and that is fine??? You can play the victim and everyone will pity you?? Should the message not be: Try to be strong and woman up?!
There are some no brainer movies/ series and books but most of them are fortunately not like that and have a hidden message. The message should be NOT : It is ok that the man is too demanding or it is ok to look at the bigger picture and ignore anything unpleasant because it will dissolve itself or even that you can let yourself completely go because your feelings are hurt. This is not the time to display women as subordinate and weak creatures. We are strong so communicate that message instead.
The roles between man and woman (yes, I feel confident enough put in this sentence “man” first) have developed. It is not anymore the traditional role of: hunter (man) and collector (woman).
Women have to support themselves as men have to do as well. The single woman with children or without children has to rely on herself heavily. There is no man, who is doing the heavy lifting or small things like removing a spider. Also men have developed from their role and there are plenty of men who take care of their children out there or an elderly person. Also, men who live alone or with their partner have to cook, clean etc. So, now that the genders cannot be put into neat little boxes the dating scenario has changed as well.
That is most likely why there are difficulties with dating and that so many are single nowadays. The older generation has still the nice and neat places for the genders and the younger generation has adjusted quickly but the current generation is struggling with its role and relationships.
Although, things are developing in a more complex ways, it is nice to see that both genders are capable to do tasks, which were subjected (more or less) to one or the other gender. That should actually help rather than create confusion in understanding each other. It should create appreciation for each other.
When people would just concentrate on understanding and learning from each other rather than looking at the differences the world would be a happier and less lonely place.