First Dates 101 – Final

Point 5: Adjustment

This one is shoe related and directed to the ladies.

Scenario: This point is for you ladies; assuming that you know that your date is the same height as yourself; do you really need to wear the highest heels you have found in your closet? There is a saying that short men like tall women but tall women do not necessarily like short men. And do you really want to look the whole night down?

Reaction: You can pick shoes that will keep yourself at the same level as your date. Both on the same eye level is a good signal. Communicate with your eyes and not your height.

Action: Consider if you would feel comfortable to wear if this concludes into a relationship no heels or very little heels for the rest of your life? You are anyways not a high heel person, great! If not, be self centred for a moment and consider if the no more proper high heels option would scare you in the long term?

Point 6: Seating Arrangement

You reach the table, which has been allocated to you. Some rules on first dates allocate that the men should pull the chair for the women. Discussing this point with a male he asked shocked “Every time she sits down?” Although everyone is on their best behaviour it does not mean that either party should do things with which they are not at least 80% comfortable with.

Scenario: There is the moment that you are sitting opposite of each other and he is sitting with his back to the wall. You recognise that he gets distracted by all the people passing and in the worse scenario by other girls passing; the wandering eye syndrome.

Reaction: The technique to stop it is have that person seated in a way that he looks at the wall or has a limited view to his surroundings with the full attention to you.

Action: Men have confirmed that they actually do get distracted with many things going on at the same time. Two things at the same time do not work well but be cautious with this temporary solution; there will not be always a wall he can sit looking to and eventually he will reveal his true habits.

Tip: It might be a good idea to see if he gets used to the distractions and you will get his full attention after awhile or if you will be looked past most of the time during the date.

Point 7: Paying

The moment were the bill is on the table is probably one of the most unromantic once. It destroys the atmosphere hopefully for only a short while. In the worst scenario the bill might be greeted by both parties with a sigh of relief.

Scenario: You have ordered the most expensive dish or cocktail on the menu.

Reaction: Ladies: Even though you are on a date in this century it does not mean anymore automatically that the man has to pay. Don’t order the most expensive dish or the most expensive cocktail on the menu unless that is the way you roll but then remind yourself that you should honestly offer or pay for it yourself.

Action: Do it if you want to test his generosity but do not be disappointed if he asks to split the bill. Some people say that men do not care that they have to pay their bill but the rule should apply that whether you would find it fair it would happen to you unless obviously you are a gold digger and one of the characteristic you are looking for is that your date should be rich. Then of course go ahead and test if your future will be financially safe.

Point 8: Easy going

Ok, it is the first date. Especially ladies are trying to be nice and lovely, which they are of course the whole time. The “I am easy going” approach has however its limits.

Scenario: You do not complain about the far away restaurant, about the spicy food although you do not like spicy food or about the place which serves only non alcoholic drinks although you wanted a nice cold margarita or the level of darkness although it is light outside.

Reaction: You are not on this date to keep silent and suffer throughout it. It should be a fun and exciting. What is the advantage of remaining silent and having a miserable date? He cannot mind read. Most men have difficulties in reading between the lines so mind reading is impossible at least at this stage of your dating life.

Action: If you are easy going in real life and like to be bossed around-Wonderful, you have found your partner. If not, then voice your opinion and ask to change the place, the restaurant, the guy.

Point 9: Dropping at home

The date went well and now you have to think about your way back home.

Scenario: If you have found a nice man, he will ask you to drop you home with his car. You are happy about this since you cannot walk anymore with your heels. Filling out the awkward silences during the drive with something interesting conversation will be however your responsibility and wonder how the drop off will be. After dropping you off he leaves immediately without waiting an additional 5 seconds were you enter your apartment door.

Reaction: You like that he wants you to be independent and will not be a protector. Right after he drops you off at a late evening ,two drunk guys are passing. In stress situations the door just never opens the first time around. You just did have a date with a supposedly man did you not?

Action: You give it another try and mention that you like man, who wait after dropping you off or you consider that rather than teaching a grown man manners, you should be out there looking for a new date.

Special Moments with Examples:

First I would like to highlight that these special moments do not happen on all dates but are much funnier afterwards than during the date. Most of them at least.

Some occurrences during dates are listed below:

Your date…

> has offered you to drop home and you gladly accept. Then you tilt your head slightly and see a baby seat at the back. He responds to your question with a “Yes, I have a baby.”
> gets a bit too nervous and the whole has managed to land on the table and swapped a bit on your dress
> or yourself trip while walking. (In the movies there is the moment were the girl falls and the man catches her in the last moment and the ice is broken. Oh well nice movies…doesn’t happen much in real life)
> gets an allergic reaction during the date
> or you run into his or your ex during the date. This could turn in a long tale of what happened wrong in their relationship. So the ex will dominate the topic although sh/he will be not anymore (hopefully!) present
> talks the whole time about the last ex. The final endings from him are “She was a good cook but stupid”
> chooses to go to the movies for the first date
> “forgets” the wallet at home on a cinema date and you end up paying for the tickets and pop corns
> gets drunk and you end up bringing her/him home
> speaks the whole night about work. It is a boring work and she/he uses work language whilst explaining, which you have no clue about
> forgets during the date your name or worse uses instead another name
> invites you for a romantic picnic. After awhile he needs to go to the washroom but there is no washroom close by so he finishes his “business” at a nearby tree and comes back to continue the picnic. (At a picnic you usually eat with your hands…)
> loses her shoe (Cinderella moment)
> shakes your hand at the end of the date.

Actually some of the above examples can be really good ice breaker or deal breakers. You decide; To date or not to date, that is here the question.

Enjoy your next First Date!

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